Framework
Nonviolent Communication
A four-part model for expressing what is happening for you — without blame, judgment or demands that trigger defensiveness.
Use NVC when a conversation matters and emotions are running high: feedback, conflict, relationship repair, or any moment where how you say it is as important as what you say.
The four components
Credit: Marshall Rosenberg · Nonviolent Communication · Adapted for Outstride OS
The OFNR model
When I see that ___. I feel ___ because my need for ___ is / is not met. Would you be willing to ___?
Observation
State what happened — facts only, no interpretation or judgment.
“When I see that the board deck went out without the financials section…”
Feeling
Name the emotion this triggered in you. Own it — don't blame them for how you feel.
“…I feel anxious and embarrassed.”
Need
Connect the feeling to an underlying need or value.
“…because my need for us to show up prepared and credible with the board is not met.”
Request
Make a specific, doable ask — not a demand.
“Would you be willing to run a final checklist with me 48 hours before the next board send?”
What to avoid
- Mixing observation with evaluation: "You always…" or "You're careless"
- Expressing pseudo-feelings that blame: "I feel ignored by you"
- Making demands disguised as requests: "I need you to…" with no room to say no
- Skipping straight to the request without the observation-feeling-need context
NVC is not about being soft. It is about being clear enough that the other person can hear you without needing to defend themselves.
Source / credit
Marshall Rosenberg · Nonviolent Communication · Adapted for Outstride OS
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