Framework
Crossing the Line
Three zones in every exchange — my intention, my words and behaviour, your reaction — and a line neither side can see across.
Use it mid-conflict, or in the post-mortem of one. Most escalations contain a line-crossing: one person asserting what the other intended, or what the other must be feeling.
Credit: Outstride adaptation — original source unverified
The model
- My intention is accessible only to me.
- My speech and behaviour are accessible to both of us.
- Your reaction is accessible only to you.
- Crossing the line means assuming what only the other person can know.
A first-time manager visited her direct report's desk every day — looking over her shoulder, correcting, suggesting. Her intention: be an awesome, supportive manager. What landed: "She doesn't trust me. She's micromanaging me." Neither said a word about it — both had crossed the line in private, and the conflict arrived on schedule.
The repair move is to talk across the line instead of assuming across it: share your intention out loud, and ask about their reaction — which is exactly what SBI and Nonviolent Communication are built to do.
Source / credit
Outstride adaptation — original source unverified
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